theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
