Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
