New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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