I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
