I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize