It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
