i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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