2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
