Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
jump out the window naked night went bad
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
