You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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