I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
