hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
