you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
