Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
