SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
