Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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