I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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