I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
try to milk me bitch
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