I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
