You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Randomize
