It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
