Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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