I'll bet she douches with gravy.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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