Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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