Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
love makes seman taste better
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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