im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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