yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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