marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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