at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
tell me about the eggs
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