i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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