did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
