She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
