Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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