Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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