Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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