That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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