First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
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