I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize