Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
