rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
