I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
