Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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