More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I lost the right to judge tonight
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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