he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
