i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
