he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
