I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
