whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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