He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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