Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Are we still banned from the library?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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