Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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