i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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