Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
