you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
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