Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
