At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
