Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
