why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
