something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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