distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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