You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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