my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
