so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
