sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize