I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
