Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
