he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize