If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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