Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
