Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
