I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
