She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize