He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
