I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
