Ambien. No doubt about it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
