brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
another moral hangover. fuck.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
