cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
