one might say we're banned from that church
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
