Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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