The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
