I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
