Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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