I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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