I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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