Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Even my vagina gasped.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize