literally had 100 drinks last night.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
