you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize