i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
