I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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