He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
