it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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