Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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