Sponge bath it is.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
