yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
