Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
false alarm, still single
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