I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize