God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We're using joints as your birthday candles
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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