I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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