I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
