I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
