You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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