i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
