i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize