I think my vagina is haunted
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
